&#%@*

i have been stripped of my everything.

-i want to be able to see him.

-i don't want to go to arizona.

-i want my own computer room back.

-i want my freedom.

-i want you to support me.

-i want you to believe.

-i want you to give up.

just give up on me.

cheers to letting go.

I danced today for the first time in 3 months.

I've never felt more free in my entire life.

I moved my furniture aside, blasted Jason Reeves,

and moved in ways I never knew I could.

I wish I could be more open with my dance.

Nobody has ever seen me truly let go.

Rough Sex is Great Sex.

The Straight Dope: Does Mrs. Mantis bite Mr. Mantis's head off during The Act?

Anatidaephobia

Anatidaephobia is the fear that somewhere in the world, there is a duck watching you. - OMG Facts - Your Mind. Blown.

gotta love it.

on a lighter note

I'm taking my drug test today.

It's been a whole month since my last toke

and oh, how I miss it so.

I know, for a fact, I'll go back to it.

Because that's all I ever think about.

I really just wanna pass so I can stop

always being fucking grounded.

I'M ALWAYS FUCKING GROUNDED.

I've noticed, since I've stopped smoking the reefer,

I've been drinking a hell of a lot more.

Like, sometimes, I even drink by myself.

That is not correct.

smoking weed was the only thing keeping me from becoming an alcoholic.

damn workaholic.

Dad, you know how I made you dinner last week?

You know how your work called in the middle of it?

I understood you needed to take the call.

I let you answer, thinking you'd be quick.

I ate all my dinner, and you still weren't back.

So, I wrapped up your food for you,

And refrigerated it so you could finish it later.

I left a note on the counter telling you about my nice deed.

I know you read it because the next morning,

It wasn't there anymore.

And you know what dad? It's still in the fridge.

You knew it was there and completely ignored it.

I just thought, maybe, making you dinner would

Make you want to spend time with me.

Guess I was wrong.

Let me tell you about my best friend.

Joshua Lawson and Jamieson Brown Jr. are the best friends

I could ever, ever ask for. They mean the world to me.

Thank you guys for always being there, and listening to me

Bitch for hours upon hours about the dumbest little things;

Giving me advice and lending your shoulder for me to cry on.

You guys amaze me everyday in every way, and I couldn't

ask for anything better. I love you guys ♥

sing me to sleep and meet me in my dreams.

I just thought i'd let you know,

I thought of you today.

We were dancing in my head,

Drenched from the pouring rain.

You looked in my eyes, hugged me tight

And I whispered in your ear;

I love you my sweet baby boy

I love you too my dear.

let freedom ring.

mother caught me with my dear addiction yesterday.

she joked around about it, and i'm not in trouble?

the parents are slowly wearing down

on their attempt to "fix" me.

my plan is finally working.

Sweet Emptiness

Grab a hold of me.

Pick me up in your loving arms

And swing me around and around.

Whisper tales of great adventure

Into my innocent little ear.

Drain me of my being with those

Addictive lips of yours.

Take advantage of my childish heart

And then rip it into pieces.

I feel no remorse.

Each day passes and the only recollection my mind has of time, has morphed into one big blur. Suicidal thoughts dance through my mind, but are destroyed by my hopeful dreams of something better. I'm a prisoner in my own mind, body, and soul. I eagerly search for an exit, and just as I feel I am close to an escape, the door is shut in my face once again. I have no feeling anymore. Time is slowing to a halt.

I gasp for air, but my lungs are filled with gasoline.

I want to spend the rest of my life backpacking through Europe.

it's better to have loved and lost..

I've ruined you.

I broke your heart,

and possibly your soul.

I took your everything

and stomped it on the ground.

So why do you come back?

I don't like to hurt people.

Especially you.

lonesome.

I am so alone.

I like being alone.

I hate being so lonely.

I wish I was always alone.

I don't want to grow old alone.

mere steps away.

each time brings me closer

... just never close enough.

written with the help of a great friend ♥

hand in hand, they walk.
not too fast, not too slow.
talking amongst themselves.
they don't realize it's raining.
yet, it's been raining all along.
it doesn't matter though.
wet, dry, hot, cold;
they're together.
rainclouds and thunder
smother the sky.
but only the sun is shining.
dripping down their faces,
the rain only makes this more perfect.
she looks up, he looks down.
the exchange of smiles
leads to exchange of passion.
a kiss is sealed,
butterflies;
a pause in time,
as they feel the fluttering sensation
filling their inner gut.
this is so very real,
but, neither of them seem to understand.
this moment is incomprehensible.
yet, they both know this feeling.
love.


-tori oliver+tyler hull

apathetic

I have never felt this down in my entire life. I have reached rock bottom, to find there might be no way out. I have no feeling whatsoever. I just want to be happy again. I'm sick of never wanting anything. I'm sick of never having a plan for anything. Going-with-the-flow is possibly the worst lifestyle choice i could've ever chosen for myself.

But, then again, I could've never wished for any life but this one. I guess, deep down, i've always wanted to be this way. Maybe, making myself so unhappy, is my way of setting myself up for failure.
You can't fail once you have nothing left.

one angry lone ranger.

i was fine at first;
but with every new piece
of unwanted information,
i hate you even more.

i'm better without this anyways.

you were just hurting me more

every wrong step you took.

too bad you walked a thousand miles

in those sleazy shoes of yours.

don't ever come back.
nobody wants you here.

plain old pleasant.

Joy is such a pleasant emotion.

To me, pure joy is..

being completely satisfied

~almost over-satisfied~

with anything and everything.

JOYOUS.

Picture it in your mind.

I see a person skipping;

Smiling ear to ear with every

Step.

Jump.

Step.

Jump.

And without knowing anything about them,

you can see they are happy.

Their smile is a window to their soul.

Shining through that window is

Pleasantness.

Because joy is pleasant.

It is such a pleasant emotion.

generic title.

With these swollen eyes of mine,
You can tell i've been crying.
And with a heart beat this fast,
You would think I was dying.
The blood's rushing through my veins
At possibly the speed of light.
How come everything I do,
Never turns out right?

February Tenth, Two-Thousand and Ten ♥♥

Those North Carolina plains
Will be the only thing between us.

I can't even begin to put in words all of the feelings I have developed for you this past month or so. I knew from the day that I met you, that I wanted to make you mine. I know at first, we didn't start off so good. I'm pretty sure you hated me. But that one day you came to my house with Dylan and Krystal, I'm ever so glad I kissed you. I've never felt so close to one person in such a little amount of time. It feels as though we've been together my whole life. I'm so comfortable around you. Your smile drives me insane. Because it reminds me of how truly lucky I am to have ever had the chance of even getting to know you. I hope when you come back, we can get back to where we are now. It would kill me to lose you over a little distance. So one month, and you'll be back. And that month, will be hell. But we'll talk everyday and continue to love each other. Please don't let the countryside take you away from me. I couldn't last one day without you being mine. Thirty days, that's all you get. And then you can never leave again<3

these chains are permanent, im guessing.

i am grounded once again. i would really like to know why my parents feel the need to ground me EVERY SINGLE WEEK. i'm probably grounded 85% percent of each year. and for the dumbest little things.
-forgetting lined paper at school
-for holding my phone
-saying "i'm sad" on facebook
-posting a picture of me with my mouth open
does anybody else get grounded for this? I THINK NOT. maybe they're just grounding me so they have a reason to spend "quality" time with me. which would be twice as dumb as the reason for grounding me. when i'm grounded, all i do is sit on the computer, eat, and sleep. i don't even look at my parents, let alone spend time with them. why would i want to waste my day sitting there, watching them waste their lives on facebook games. i could be out with my friends, making my self known, achieving my goals, or overcoming my depression and anxiety- which i got from being grounded in the first place. i really hope they read this. i really hope they finally understand that what they think is helping me, is really pushing me farther into the depths of a mental breakdown.

debbie downers: this is for you.

why is depression so common in teenagers these days? it seems like every website i'm on, there's at least ten people who are down in the dumps, maybe more. but i'm starting to think not ALL of these kids can be depressed. like sure, they're sad because of friends, family, whatever. but odds are, only one of them is actually depressed. don't post sad bulletins, statuses, etc. talking about how unhappy you are, because i'm getting sick of you guys striving for attention through your so-called mental instabilities.

and what really bothers me most, is that people fall for it. and they do the nice thing by talking to you about it. when really, you just need to suck it up. you act like your life is the worst when really you're just being a snotty little crap. rub some dirt on it, and save the help for people who really need it.

s.o.s

I am sick and tired of all the drama I have to go through just to be a part of this family. They hurt me almost every single day, and wonder why i'm always so depressed. They blame all my problems on my friends, when really, my friends are the only ones helping me. Why do I even try? This family is obviously doing nothing good for me. So why do I continue to put myself through this? Because i'm forced to. By law, I have to suffer through this for a few more years. But forcing myself to deal with all this crap is unhealthy (from my point of view). "Forcing." Why do I feel the need to use that word? Because that's the way it is. I don't have any control over my life and it's really starting to effect me, mentally. I am losing it. And i'm really scared.

sing with me.

Music is the only thing children like me can rely on these days. People throw the phrase "music is my life" around like it's going out of style. Music touches me. Deep down in my crevices, is a song. My song. It drives me. It's my creation; something only i can sing along to, listen to, dance to, and live with. The song of my life. Every single day it is edited and rewritten. Every move adds a new line. My song's had many verses, bridges, and choruses. The one's that didn't harmonize, were carefully removed. My actions that can't change, are already in the final copy. The final copy shall be played at my funeral. For all to hear. To touch those who got the privilege to get to know me, and make those who never had that chance, to realize my true potential. My musical potential. Hopefully my song hits the top of the charts.

wrote this awhile back. edited though.

looking to the distance, he sees a light.
the light he's been seeking for many months.
he hears their cries for him to turn around,
but he won't miss this opportunity.
he's been dying for this moment his whole life.
-dying; the key word-
he walks towards it, each step hesitated.
his excitement might get the best of him.
this is real. so very real.
his feet won't go fast enough.
he stops, he wants to enjoy this.
but that stop pushes him back.
farther away, the lights fading quick.
he runs to catch it, but now it's gone.
it's dark, black, cold.
then light. lots of light.
faces appear.
his sprint to death...


unsuccessful.

my minds been a'buzzin all night long.

-me and shayn just broke up, like ten minutes ago.

-my ipods dying.

-my father taught me a new word today: ennui

-i want texting back more than anything.

-i wish i was UNGROUNDED!

-my life is like a toilet bowl, and my parents have officially flushed me.

-i'm checkin out my car tomorrow :D :D :D

-and i'm getting new mocs.

-i look snazzy right now.

-i'm rockin a canada shirt, eh?

-i need chapstick super bad.

-now i wanna watch Superbad. and Nell.

-DAD! LET'S GO TO BLOCKBUSTER.

-i need a job uber bad.

-hire me?

-i'm a hard worker! i smell nice! i'm a good dancer!

-hahaha, nobody will even read this.

-let alone give me a job.

-farewell.

i love my friends.

http://www.myspace.com/fracturedskullrecording

Hi Five Nintendo Boy
by: Brendan Thomas and Anthony Leto

Fractured Skull Recording: Tommy Geen

please support them<3

house arrest

start- january 2nd
end- sometime before february (??)

Being grounded will be the death of me. It seems i'm grounded at least once a month. I'm not a bad child. I'm simply just in the wrong place, at the wrong time. And being put in certain positions, I always make the wrong choice. But this time, at least the event was worth being grounded for, unlike numerous other times. This time's not that bad, either. I usually kick and scream over losing privledges, but I was completely calm being stripped of the little respect my parents still held for me. My mother didn't even yell at me. She just discussed the matter with me, like a normal person.

Since i've been grounded, i've had several dreams involving being kicked out, or running away. Weird, huh? Maybe it's a sign. I'm not sure. I want to get away though. Away from it all. I want to get my plymouth, and travel this world, to places unknown.

I want to discover something new, and keep it to myself. A place for me, and only me. It shall be breathtaking, peaceful, and (most importantly) warm. Ha. So far, this life hasn't impressed me much. I want to be like those people who could die at any second, and be completely satisfied with their life. I don't feel i'll ever get there. But i want to. I want to get far in life. I have certain people I want to meet, and many places I want to see. Like Norway or Great Britain.

Who wants to join me?